Sorting
by Indiahenna
Summary: Allen and Co. are at Hogwarts, protecting Harry and exploring the school they temporarily call home, when Lavi gets an idea to pass the time. Oneshot.


"Come on, aren't you curious?"

"I don't know, Lavi, we shouldn't really even be here—"

"Well, we are, so let's go!" and the redhead bounded across the office to the shelf, where upon a small pedestal the Sorting Hat sat. Reaching up Lavi carefully pulled at the brim of the hat before taking it down from the shelf and holding it up.

"Who's first?" he cried out to the group, all smiles.

Allen glanced behind him shoulder, wary of Dumbledore walking in at any moment; Kanda's arms were crossed and he was glaring at the moving pictures on the walls. Lenalee stood by, curious but not stepping forward. Lavi pouted at their lack of enthusiasm.

"Why don't you go first, Lavi?" Lenalee offered, and the redhead pouted and then said, "Fine. See, I'll show you, it's perfectly safe." And plopped the ratty thing on his head.

The Exorcists watched as the brim of the hat widened and yawned, a mouth ripping from seams and the tip of the hat pulling down, as it the hat were…looking down.

"It's a little late in the year to be Sorted, isn't it?" it began conversationally. "Bookman Apprentice."

"Ah…y-yeah," Lavi said, clearly surprised that the hat was actually talking to him. "What are you doing?" he said suddenly, straightening up. "Get out of there!"

"I have to see some of your mind to Sort you properly. Isn't that what you wanted?" it replied calmly, the last question carrying just a hint of sass. "Or are we done here?"

"You can't just…know?"

"Well how do you think it is I know," the hat replied. "I look into the mind of every young witch or wizard that comes through Hogwarts…though you are neither."

"Just get it over with," Lavi replied.

"If that is what you want," the hat replied, again with a hint of sass. The hat hmmed and hawed and even seemed to winch a few times, and then it was muttering things…

"I've never…well that is certainly…" The hat remained silent, and Lavi waited quietly, no longer smiling and keeping his face blank as he stared up at the protruding brim. "What a mind…many contradictions within but perhaps…no, not a Slytherin, likes pranks too much for that…RAVENCLAW!" the hat cried out, and Lavi pulled it off his head and turned to look at the hat.

"That's a good House, isn't it?"

"All of the Houses have their strengths, Bookman Apprentice," the hat countered, and then twisted itself in Lavi's grip to face the group. "Would any of you like to see where you would belong?"

Lavi thrust the thing toward Lenalee and said, "Here, it's your turn!"

"No, we should go, Lavi—"

"Come on," interrupted the redhead, "you know you want to." And then without a word plopped the hat on her head.

"Lavi!" she pouted, and reached to put the hat down, but then paused and looked up at the brim, her eyes wide.

"Another…my dear, I am sorry…"

Lenalee looked down sadly and said in a clear but quiet voice, "It's okay."

Allen glanced over at Lavi, a frown marring his features as he said, "What's going on? Why does Lenalee look so sad?"

Lavi shook his head. "Let's see where she fits."

The hat, as before, hmmed and made mutterings and after another moment cried out, "Gryffindor!"

Lenalee removed the hat and turned to the remaining Exorcists. "How about you two?"

"What does the hat do?" Allen asked, staring at it distrustfully.

"It doesn't hurt," Lenalee replied vaguely.

"Scared, moyashi?" Kanda spoke up, a smirk on his face. "It's just a hat."

"Then why don't you try it on?" Allen replied, taking the hat from Lenalee and walking over to him, holding the thing up.

"Get away from me," Kanda growled.

"Or you'll what, Bakanda?"

Kanda's hand reached for the sword at his side and then he was tackled on both sides, Lavi on his left and Lenalee his right, and together the brought him down.

Kanda struggled mightily, and Lavi ended up underneath Kanda while Lenalee clamped down on his arms—Allen ended up straddling the boy in order to cram the hat on.

"My!" the hat exclaimed as it landed on Kanda's head. "What a—my word, that was completely unnecessary! Where did you learn to say something like that?!"

Allen grinned. "Come on, hat, let's place him! Put him in someone else's misery!"

"GET OFF OF ME!" Kanda roared, but the hat remained on his head and remarked, "More brawn than brain, this one…"

"You calling me stupid?" Kanda growled at the hat.

"Only remarking on your character, nothing insulting," the hat replied coolly. That hint of sass was back and it only served to enrage the Exorcist more.

"I swear I will rip every one of you limb from limb—"

"Yeah, try explaining that to Komui," Lavi grunted, his face red with the effort to hold the boy down. "Why you killed his little sister."

Kanda stilled and Allen grinned evilly down at him.

"Get off, you stupid little—"

"Gryffindor," the hat pronounced. "Definitely a Gryffindor."

"OFF!" Kanda yelled, and with a grunt shoved one last time at the group. Lenalee let go and leapt back, Allen got to his feet and stepped away, smirking, and Lavi remained on the ground, clutching at his chest.

"Damn, Kanda, you're heavy."

Kanda ignored the rabbit and glared at Allen, reaching up and wrenching the hat off his head—"Hey, be gentle, I'm quite old you know!" "Shut up!"—and advanced on the white-headed boy.

"Your turn."

Allen calmly accepted the hat and plopped it on his head, sticking his tongue out at Kanda. "See? No reason to be such a drama queen about it."

"What did you call me?"

But Allen stilled as he felt the hat probing at his head and looked up at it in alarm. "What are you doing?" he snapped nervously.

The hat sighed. "As with the others, I am merely looking around in your mind. Calm down, Allen Walker."

The others watched as Allen stood there, glancing up nervously at the hat's brim as the hat sat in stillness. Unlike with the others, he remained silent, and as the minutes stretched Lavi exchanged a glance with Lenalee and then said, "What's taking so long?"

"Complicated," the hat replied shortly. "Contradictions here too, I see…and not a small amount of courage…oh," the hat said, and then replied quietly, so that only Allen could hear, "I'm so sorry."

Allen said nothing, looking down and around Dumbledore's office. The hat shifted around and then said, "I'm not certain. Either Gryffindor or Slytherin would do."

"What's the difference?"

The hat hmmed and then said after a moment, "Amazingly small, actually. Gryffindors are renowned for their courage and loyalty. Slytherins are admired for their charisma and ambition. You have something of all of these—each of you, really," he said, addressing the group as a whole.

"So?"

"Gryffindor," the hat said after another moment of decision.

"Why am I the only one left out?" Lavi cried out, as Allen removed the hat from his head. Allen shrugged; Kanda was still fuming.

"Why did you want to do that again?" he muttered angrily.

"I was curious," Lavi said, and taking the hat from Allen, replaced it back on its shelf.

"Curiosity is a trait admired in Ravenclaw," came a calm voice from behind them, "and it is often Gryffindors who cause mischief wherever they go."

The four Exorcists snapped around and saw Dumbledore standing at the bottom of his steps, smiling up at them, his eyes crinkled in amusement. "I believe that the four of you are well suited to your Houses."

Allen stepped forward. "Sir, we're sorry, we were just—" but Dumbledore held up a hand and effectively silenced him.

"It is quite alright, Mr. Walker. Though I ask in the future that you ask before going through my office. There are many things in here that, if tampered with incorrectly, could cause some trouble for you."

Allen and the others looked properly mollified, and then Dumbledore gestured to the lower part of his office, at the chairs in front of his desk. "Now, you came to ask me something."

* * *

A/N: I've read a number of Harry Potter/DGM crossovers and have been trying to work out something myself, just to see if I can. This isn't related to that effort, but was just something that came to me. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed this, and if you'd like, leave a message to tell me what you think.


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